Dead

Cause I've been trying way too long
To try and be the perfect song
When our hearts are heavy burden
We shouldn't have to bear alone
So goodnight you
And goodnight moon.


I never really understood this song.
How do I explain the racing heartbeat then? Or the weird goosebumps?
I really thought I'm past all these. I'm a grown independent woman, entering adulthood. No, scratch that, not entering- diving, nose-first without any headgear to protect me from the harsh ground of that aforementioned adulthood.

!!!!!!11!1!11!1!!!!1!!!1!!11
Just, for once, I wish that the unspoken is a mere false impression. I hope that my mind is playing tricks on me and this is not happening again.
I hope.
I don't know what I want. I can't be this confused throughout almost a quarter of my adolescence. I refuse to be. BUT THE STATE OF MIND IS NOT SOMETHING THAT I CAN CONTROL.
Weirdly misleading gestures shouldn't be legal in this country.
Oh goodness gracious.