I am so hurt... that I want to just curl up in a ball and just cry.

I loathe the fact that I have transitioned into this girl once again.

Hoping for him to care about me and feeling so weak all the time.

I'm losing sense of myself and who I am as a person because one person decided that I'm not good enough for them. 

That I care about them more than they care about me. 

And instead of wishing I gain my strength again, I wish that they would care about me. And everytime I think about them, I just feel that feeling at the pit of my stomach like I have been punched and I know that I'm losing another piece of myself.

And I was so young and stupid. I thought I had grown up and I'm not codependent on someone in my life. But I am.

And it was okay when he was codepending on me too. But now, his feelings changed and I'm left behind. Like I don't matter and everything that I feel don't matter. And everytime I look at him I just that girl. And how because of her, he realized that I'm not good enough for him.

When I know I am. And I know this is not my fault. 

But I don't see how I can be better.