I feel my legs heavy

My shoulders drooping

And I took the slowest steps ever 

And I remember how you told me to be vulnerable

To open myself up to love

And then you went away.

With her.

I remember that warm afternoon as I was shouting at you

The grass was green and it was 27 degrees

Maybe because I felt myself being reduced into sheer nothingness

Stripped away from my dignity and the love I am so ready to give,

I told you to choose.

I was scared before.

I was terrified you would say you're choosing her.

And you told me you don't know.

But how can you not know?

I was beside you when you were struggling, puking your guts out

I was there to help you through your visa application

And your college essays

I was there to see you through because I love you.

I could finally see how I have wasted 6 years of my life

Waiting.

Struggling.

Loving.

And now I'm reduced to nothing.

Checking my blank screen every 3 minutes

Hoping.

Hoping for something I shouldn't be hoping for.