Bring him homeee

A few days ago I had an interesting convo with my boyfriend. I asked him if he would like a quiet, meek wife or he would like an outspoken no-nonsense feminist. Basically asking what his type of ideal woman is.

He refused to answer me but knowing him, I would say that he leans more toward the meek wife who says yes to his every whim and desires. Because let's face it, that type of girls is every Malay man ideal woman. I mean, I may be over-generalizing but yeah, I do believe if given the choice, my boyfriend would much rather go with that meek, weak damsel-in-distress. He brought up the fact that I used to be that girl long ago and he missed that side of me.

Yeah, well I was. Lol.
In my teenage years, I was an insecure chubby girl who wanted so badly validation from the opposite sex. And guess what? Dumbing yourself down, acting like a damsel in distress brings you loads of attention from the male species. However, I quickly realised that I don't want the excessive attention and became a "stringer" because I did not want to confront them about my real feelings e.g. not wanting to video chat with them over Skype. Of course after a few weeks of unreplied texts and strings of dumb excuses they dropped me like hot potato. Lol.

Ahh where did the years go. I grew up, threw away the meek girl facade and basically led my life because I didn't think that any guy is interesting enough. This is largely attributed to the fact that I could not hold a conversation with any kind of human species with the exception of my family and my few numbers of friends. I got lazy to reply empty meaningless text messages. And I could not justify going online to chat on Skype every night when I could cry over my tv shows.

My boyfriend wiggled his way back into my life and here we are. I guess having a boyfriend is terrific in the sense that you don't care anymore about what other guys think of you. I could look haggard, my tudung could be slanted 45 degrees and it would not bother me. Heck, my boyfriend even told me my feet stink once and I went meh. I just I couldn't be bothered anymore.

I completely removed any hanky panky ooo this guy looked at me what does it mean. Or ooo he is so handsome I want him. It's just completely gone. Any attraction to the opposite sex is idle. I would acknowledge that he is good looking but have no desire to be noticed by that person.

I guess I never realised it until I started thinking about it now haha. I'd like to think that the only reason I'm this way is because I've aged but nah. Lol. Many people my age single or not still excessively talk about this. At least from what I can gathered from the few gatherings I had with what few people who invited me.

Funny how during the few short years in my mid-teen I completely did a 180 degree and just stopped wanting to conform. I'm entering the 20s this year. Can you imagine. 2 decades of breathing. I feel so old goodness.

I am no longer a teen. lol.

Hopefully it's not downhill from here.