It's been supeeeer long since I've typed anything in this space of mine. And wow this would need a little getting use to.
So first off, I'm still in INTEC. Still deeply uneasy and to a certain extent, unhappy. But I have received offers from unis in the States. So it seems like I would be leaving Malaysia quite soon. In August, hopefully.
For once, I decided that I'm happy about that particular prospect. I said I don't like change. And I don't. Change had proven to have malicious intent when it comes to me. Why else would I end up in INTEC? Surrounded by people I have zero compatibility with? I have come to the point of giving up trying to build friendships there. Like always, I am too different.
Actually no.
I'm not always too different. I found my place in Sri Aman, strangely. It's a small spot, insignificant to most people I encounter, but I feel like I belong there. I always have a place there no matter what class I'm in or what subjects I'm learning.
But I guess I can't always have a safety tether. Sometimes life is a jungle, filled with venomous slithering reptiles and you just have to navigate your way safely. So in short Sri Aman is my safety tether and INTEC is that venomous, slithering, icky, weird-looking, mutated reptile waiting to gnaw and sever my veins, flesh and skin and then take my soul to sell it to the devil for a measly dollar just to spite me.
Yes I know it's a hyper hyperbole but that's how I feel about INTEC most of the time.
Everything is wrong about it. My room is too hot, my classmates too different, my subjects too difficult and me, too fat. I have been basically drowning my sorrows with food.
The deep rooted dislike for INTEC is not to be confused with my gratefulness. I am grateful to the Almighty for granting me this wonderful opportunity and I love that I would have the chance to see and live in another country for at least 4 years. I want the whole experience. I want to be in the States accomplishing things.
INTEC is just a hurdle that I have to go through to be where I'm meant to be.
Okay I guess it's worth mentioning that I just paused for a moment to think of something good to write about INTEC. Because in spite of things, I still want to remain objective. But there's absolutely nothing I'd miss about INTEC when I'm gone.
I don't want to fit in too. I'm very secure with who I am. I mean it's not like I go about everyday trying to make those people want me or invite me to things they're going to. In fact, I'm pretty glad if they don't invite me to things. I don't really fancy their company.
Wow Elsa you're not holding back are you. But what the heck, this is a safe space.
However, I am guilty of making this blog post seem extremely unorganize. Jumping from one thoughts to another. Sentence fragments scattered because I'm too lazy to complete my thought.
If anyone google INTEC and somehow ended up here, well don't take my word for it. It's not a pleasant experience me but it could be for you. People around me seem very delighted to be there.
ABRUPT ENDING!
