It is now Winter Break here in Drake University. It's been 4 months since I last waved goodbye to my family and friends at KLIA. And you know that saying how time passes by in the blink of an eye?
Well, I've been blinking a lot and it's only been 4 months. Gosh.
I mean, I've had my fair share of fun and excitement. And as weird as it may sound, no I do not regret moving here. I love Malaysia but there a lot of things I have learned here in these 4 months that I know I would not have learned had I not move half a world away.
But goodness me, here is not home. Home is where my cat is, where my cozy blankets and pillows are. I have to spend another 5 months in this place (which is not home) and that prospect is daunting to say the least.
But let's not dampen the mood.
What have I learned here in the past four months?
Well, I've learned to be inquisitive and critical in everything that you do. Especially when it comes to your belief system. I was in a philosophy class as part of the first year experience in Drake. I guess this would not come as a shock, but in Malaysia, it's a taboo to question your religion. Muslims need to be protected from confusions at all times. Of course, there are certain things that should not be challenged and sometimes, we can't be sure of the intentions of those who does the challenging but that's a topic for another day.
I believe sheltering Muslims from confusions is the wrong way to go about things. Faith is not about being blind. It's not about following what other people had set out for you and told you to be true. It is critical thinking.
In that class I had come to reexamine everything about my belief system. How do I know my religion is the one true religion? If I am saying that my belief is the only truth, am I confident enough in my convictions to forsake everyone's belief systems thus automatically labeling myself as "intolerant"? What if I turn out to be wrong? What happens then?
Instead of doubting everything I know to be true, it strengthened my belief. How? Each an every questions asked in that class can be answered by the Quran & Hadis. Amazing isn't it?
Questions that I have asked my Ustazah in high school and got shot down with incoherent uncomfortable answers were answered eloquently by the questions that my non-muslim philosophical teacher asked me. Who's to blame for that? I find it to be sad that some Muslims in my country are so fragile in their belief that any sign of other religion is seen as a threat.
Instead of sheltering people, educate them. That class taught me the virtue of adulthood; it is taking responsibility for things that you believe in, and finding ways to answer life's hardest questions without dodging them.
Am I close to being an adult? Not at all. I am definitely trying though. I am trying to be accountable for my actions and do the right things at all time.
I find it much more difficult to be a Muslim here than in Malaysia. It is hard to cover your hair on your way from the bathroom after you shampooed your hair, cause it's wet and sticky and everything. It is hard to eat the same few halal things in the dining hall without gagging every few days, especially when the roasted chicken is just a few millimeters away from the potato. It is difficult to find a place to pray every time the azan is heard from your phone when you're out and about. In Malaysia, you can eat at virtually any place, there's surau everywhere, and school hours are catered to prayer time. Here, you have to pray in public. I've prayed at a parking lot once. And goodness me, it feels so much more rewarding when you realised that you have not skipped a prayer that day.
During Thanksgiving, I was invited to the home of the Darlings (that is their real name), and it was such an enriching experience for me. I went there with bunch of my Christian seniors and they are all (including the Darlings) stout believers of their religion. And it is amazing when I see how they have sparkle in their eyes when they talk about their belief. How they are kind and compassionate because of their religion. How they voice out their gratefulness at any given moment, unwarranted and not only on the praying mat.
It reminds me of my own shortcomings as a Muslim. How sometimes I grumble at the first sign of discomfort. How I sometimes do not even say Alhamdulillah after getting an A on a test. It humbles me. I believe that Islam is the one true religion and its teachings are all about being kind, compassion, grateful and yet, these people are kinder, and better at being humans than I am.
More than ever now, I learned how important it is to be kind.
Every Tuesday night, there would be an International student game night with American host families at the space in my dining hall. Coincidentally that's the place I used to study. And I study a lot, every time they're there I would be there too studying away. It was finals week, and there I was studying. A guy (one of the host families) came in to wish me luck for my test. I said thank you and smiled revering at how kind he is. To my surprise he did a double take and asked for my permission if he could pray for me. He knows that I am Muslim, and he is a Christian. I said yes, and he started praying for me to do well right in front of me
It was so amazing. How this complete stranger, aware of our religious difference, sincerely prayed for my well being because of his own inner compassion. And I started thinking if the situation was reversed. The Muslims in my country would chastise me for praying for a non-Muslim since it's haram.
And it might be haram but that's not the point. It is the gesture that is so heartwarming to me. Why cant we as Muslims in Malaysia show kindness to other religion too? Why is it that we feel so threatened when they express their religious practice when we are so free to express our religion?
Tepuk dada tanya selera.
