I loathe the fact that I have transitioned into this girl once again.
Hoping for him to care about me and feeling so weak all the time.
I'm losing sense of myself and who I am as a person because one person decided that I'm not good enough for them.
That I care about them more than they care about me.
And instead of wishing I gain my strength again, I wish that they would care about me. And everytime I think about them, I just feel that feeling at the pit of my stomach like I have been punched and I know that I'm losing another piece of myself.
And I was so young and stupid. I thought I had grown up and I'm not codependent on someone in my life. But I am.
And it was okay when he was codepending on me too. But now, his feelings changed and I'm left behind. Like I don't matter and everything that I feel don't matter. And everytime I look at him I just that girl. And how because of her, he realized that I'm not good enough for him.
When I know I am. And I know this is not my fault.
But I don't see how I can be better.
