I am a Malaysia student, funded by the government to study overseas. I have used this opportunity to the best my ability. I wanted to gain a deeper understanding of the world and become engaged global citizens, not just cooped up in my bubble of opinions - afraid of change and challenges to my opinions.
To be fair, I'm never very opinionated but growing up around Islamic conservatism and in a Malay family who believe that race is fundamental part of our identity shaped my views somewhat. I also credit it to how I stay grounded even as I fly 9000 miles away from home. I am unapologetic about my identity and the make up of my ideology. I regularly speak up in class and give my opinions as a Malaysian. And at the first opportunity I will make the distinction that I am not American. I'm also clear that I want to go home after my studies, no question or hesitation. I regularly volunteer to speak at interfaith dialogues to dispel some of the negative connotations in Western countries about Muslims.
However, despite staying grounded, I also struggle to reconcile the problematic side of my own identity. I grapple with my own privileged position in Malaysia as the majority who probably at some point in my life have contributed to the alienation of the minorities in my community. Politically, my race dominates and I am here on scholarship to a certain extent, because of my race and who I was born as.
Alas, it is not that simple. As much as I want to make the comparison to what I learn here in the US about White privilege, I cannot easily apply it to Malay privilege. I have felt what it's like to be discriminated because of my identity in my own country. I have been rejected when I applied for simple jobs because I wear the hijab or because I don't speak a third language, or from a certain ethnicity. I have felt the stigmatization from other races because Malays are seen as lazy or complacent. I have also been told that the picture on my resume in a hijab can be detrimental because religious symbols are not well perceived in Malaysian corporate culture. I also saw how my own relatives are still largely recovering from the colonial legacy of poverty and till this very day, have not been able to break out from the poverty cycle.
I am not a victim, certainly a far cry from a "victim". But I detest the oversimplification from both sides of the spectrum regarding racial relations in Malaysia. Some "woke" Malays and minorities are quick to draw comparison between Malay privilege and White privilege. But Malays weren't the oppressors, we were all in the same boat under British colonization. Yes, constitutional advantage exist under the quid pro quo arrangement to grant citizenship from our other minorities friends at that time, and maybe times are changing and reforms have to be carried out, but this systemic advantage had not sufficiently advantaged the Malay to the point of their domination of the economy.
From the other side of spectrum, rural Malays are quick to blame their economic anxiety on minorities and non-bumiputeras. They tout Malay supremacy because that's the only thing that made sense to them largely because of the role of the populist government whose grassroots support comes from this idea of Malay supremacy. This is extremely problematic, to say the least.
What is the point of this post? It is that there are no simple answers. I am still trying to reconcile my own belief and recognize my privilege in the context of my society. But I have to do so while trying to be true to the struggles of my own people if I want to be honest with my self and my convictions. I have seen the community I grew up in the rural areas being called idiots by the people in the city where I spend the later half of my life because of their political beliefs. I have seen them being undermined by the ruling elites who despite wanting their political support actually did little in making their lives better. I have also seen the detrimental effect of Malay privilege to the lives of minorities who could not get to the same universities I could get in because of their race. Who received less support although they too live in poverty just because of their race.
Dialogues should not be along the lines of black and white where the other side dismisses each other for being "idiots" or "Western liberals". Dialogues should take into account that race is not the only factor when talking about "privilege". Dialogues should not endeavour oversimplify a complex issue.
And me? I will continue to learn and accept that my identity and convictions can be as fluid has to be fluid if I ever want to arrive at enlightenment in which I can be 100% sure of my place in this world
