Take a sad song and make it better ~

In an ideal world..

1) My short hair won't stick up in a weird way making my head shaped more like yield sign than a human head.
2) I would fit into a size 22 jeans.
3) I can eat all I want and never get fat.
4) I would have never ending supply of anchovies.
5) all Grey's Anatomy songs will be downloaded automatically just as soon as I heard it.
6) I have time to catch up on all of my tv shows.
7) I would know how I feel and towards whom that I feel those things to.
8) I didn't involve myself in too many school activities.
9) I didn't have to sit for SPM.
10) social interaction won't be too nauseating.
11) I would understand things.
12) I won't have to learn Physics, Chemistry or Bio.
13) English in Literature is taught as a core subject within school hours and I would have it everyday.
14) I don't have the conscience to feel bad for hurting those who've hurt me.
15) people would stop complaining so much.
16) no one lashes out on anyone when they're under stress.
17) people get easily offended and I would enjoy the look on their face when I offend them instead of not having enough guts to offend anyone.


My ideal world would be filled with serial killers related shows, good music, great books, money for me to spend on clothes and handsome guys who are interested in me.

Lol just thinking about this is making me feel all giddy inside.

You're the lucky ones

I think, I think I've been trying to change.
And I think I succeeded in making those changes.

For one thing, I don't get emotional anymore. This is a total contrast from whatever creature I was a year ago. But it's quite peculiar, seeing as the change happened so subtly I didn't even notice it at first. It was like.. something snapped within me, leaving me with very little patience towards everything involving any sorts of emotions. I think it's pretty obvious how little I care about things nowadays.

What bothers me though is the arrogance that comes along with this new found indifference. I was ashamed of whom I was before this. I realized that now.
I was so icky and fragile and overly emotional about everything.

Now, I think I'm above everyone else. I lose respect towards people who displays any sorts of emotional attachment into anything that I deem petty. This mostly involves my peers. My peers who break down when a school project threatens to fall apart, my peers who cry when their boyfriends leave them.

I used to be one of them.

But the way I see it, I rose above that. I realized my mistake. I realized how useless it was to get too emotional attached. I'm irked with myself.
The real reason why I lose respect for these kind of people is because they don't learn. They don't realize. They don't care enough to reflect on themselves and see how pointless it is to invest emotionally into the things they get emotional about.

And as I mentioned earlier, this new trait of mine bothers me. I'm not a bad person, at least I don't think I am. I don't curse people. I don't hate people for no reason. In fact, if they don't directly harm me, whatever they do is none of my business.

But I can't help what I feel inside can I? It's not like I display my lost of respect towards them. I keep everything to myself. Me, pouring out on this blog isn't meant for anyone else. It's merely my own self discovery.

And I know some things are important to people. So important that they get emotionally attached. And it has nothing to do with me. By all means, be emotional. I'm just saying that at the event that I do witness these emotions, I will get annoyed.

I think people owe it to themselves and to other people to suppress their display of emotions and keep it to themselves until they're in private or in the presence of the people they trust. It's uncomfortable to see a stranger/mere acquaintance getting worked up or breaking down in public. I don't know how to comfort them. And there's this stigma if a person doesn't react to tears. I will be directly affected by that stigma.

It seems like I don't empathize anymore. But I think the things that induce my peers to tears are very petty things. Avoidable things. And I can't sympathize with that.

Am I a bad person then?