Bring him home

Oh. Oh my lovely lovely blog.
How I miss you so.

It feels ages since I write.
And that's saying something. The fact is, the less that I write, the more it is that I drift apart from the small voices inside of my head.
I became more in sync with the world.
I became for connected to people.

I don't know whether it's good or bad. But I do know that it feels so different now.

Nothing overly dramatic happened since I last blogged. Everything is pretty mundane though.
I have a job now.

It's a nice job, surrounded by nice people. Makes me feel at home more that it should. It's nice to think that even in the real world, I'm still sheltered by kind hearted souls.

My routine changed drastically from when I was in school. After 5 years of something, of course you get used to a certain idea of a good day.

A good day for me then was getting home from school early and spending hours on the internet.

A good day for me now, is getting to spend lunch with my boyfriend and listening to his tireless convictions on how fat I am.

A very remarkable transition, if I may say so myself.
But apart from my daily commute to Paradigm every single day, I basically haven't been anywhere else after I got back from my one month stay in Langkawi.

Not even to a different mall.

It gets pretty dull. But routine has a sense of security to it. My workplace now replaces my school.

And then I'm forced off my tendency to delay the inevitable- i.e. what I want to do with my life etc etc. I acquired a scholarship offer to do the IB Diploma. I have 2 more days to decide whether I would like to take up that offer.

My head is a mess because I don't know what I want to do.
I don't want to decide now. I'm.. not ready.
I feel like a withering child. Lips quivering, hands trembling in confusion. Cheeks burning from the sudden surge of attention given to her. I'm not very good at deciding things.

I fear the unknown. The fact that what I decide determines what I will be is a pretty serious thing for a 17 year old who doesn't want any more responsibility other than waking up in time to shower and get ready for her part time job.

I feel like throwing up just thinking about this.
Sigh.