The fault is in ourselves, that we are underlings

You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.

- Augustus Waters (The Fault In Our Stars)

Eureka!
I finally got it. The anguish a midst the person you love is not anguish.
It's a choice.

A choice driven by that wretched chemical defect inaccurately named 'love'.
There's not really a question whether it's worth it. The person you experience love for is always worth it. It's when you stop loving that it becomes worthless.

It's my sadistic wish that someone would choose to be hurt by me.
But then again, if there's anyone bold enough to make that choice, I would do everything in my power to not hurt them.

Whether they will return the favour though is not something that I would hope for.
Hope is an affliction. And there's too many of that in my life.