Stars

It's been almost a month since I tried to convey my inhibitions into words.

That's not a relatively long time but it's a huge milestone from where I was just a few months ago. I was completely.. dependent on this blog. Not that it's a bad thing.

So anyway, a good friend of mine once asked my opinion about something. As usual, I retorted with 'uhm. That's a quite a petty issue. I don't have any opinion on it nor do I desire to form any opinion about it'. Much to my chagrin (or joy)(mostly, joy), he told me 'yeah, you're always so indifferent'.

And is that, the impression that people get from me? That I am indifferent?
I think I am for the most part. My inability to care about things that do not have anything to do with me is quite admirable, if I may say so myself.
However, in the eyes of other people, people whom are close to me and whose opinions I value (that's too generous but I lack better word), I am not doing for so well for myself.

They're somehow convinced that at the rate I'm going, I'd fail to develop into a well rounded sane matured person who would be able to survive in the real world.
And somewhere at the back of my mind, I agree with them.

Living is not about shutting out the bad part of your life just to remain carefree. Those things will come after you and you'd be too defenseless in the face of all that negativity when it decides to strike. Ultimately the things you choose to ignore would have piled so high, as high as a mountain. A mutated mountain with limbs and can crush you and beat you senseless.

I have that realisation. But indifference is so.. cool.
You know.

Like. when everyone just to worry and you're indifferent, you'll feel above everyone else. That's how I feel most of the time. I feel tall in indifference.

It's wrong. My conscience knows it. But I can't help myself.

I guess there's no point to this post. I'm just.. venting.
So anyway, SPM trials has arrived. And I'm.. crumpling under the pressure of it. But. I don't show it to people. Because I choose to remain indifferent. Even if I'm not.

Lol ok bye.