Thursday, December 22, 2011

Hope

You think you're upset. Broken inside. Alone.
You realize no one knew or cared. At least not one that matters most.

You think you realized it all.
And you think you want him to care.

You hope that he will save you. But he won't. And you struggle with yourself. You feel like stomping your feet on the ground. You want to throw a tantrum. Shout at that person's ear; 'Help me, I'm drowning. Save me, please'. You hope that he would just look up, and see you the way he saw you before and lend you his hand. You hope that he won't just stand there and mercilessly stare at you as you die.

But you can't force feelings.
You can't make other people choose you.

That's not how life works unfortunately. The only person you can put your hope in is yourself.
I am my own hero.

Hoping in the impossible though, isn't weak. It's admirable.
For me, anyway.
And so I hope that one day, I will find someone to share my hero status with. I hope that he will be good to me. I hope that I'll be my own hero again when time comes that he's not good to me. I hope that I can have him in my life without giving myself away completely. I hope I've learned my lesson and be more guarded. I hope that someday I will find someone who will respect me. I hope, that even if I'm hurt again in the future, I will never lose hope.
I hope.

And I hope for the sake of myself, if it's written that I'm meant to be alone for the rest of my life, I will be content.

I am content for now. I've let go. And so I hope I will never look back.

I am full of hope.
I was rejected and abandoned. But I have a roof over my head. I have a full life ahead of me. I have a beautiful watch.
I am a person. And even when I am not treated like one, I'm still a person.

I matter.

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