I'm a renegadee

Some people, their happy endings are written for them. Great lives, determinations, talents, everything that would  give them a jump start for great things in the future.

I'm not one of those people.
I don't get happy endings.

I get temporary happiness, I lose that happiness then I will have long, miserable attempts to gain back that temporary happiness. The cycle will usually repeat itself.

Guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't have it easy.
I do not have a great attitude nor do I have a witty mind. I don't have beauty, brains nor brawn. I'm so lazy, it's a miracle I got through school so far.. I do not have any motivation. I don't have anyone who cares enough for me to tell me to go and get my own motivation.

I don't have all that.
And I know I should change and stuffs like that. Yadda yadda yadda. I know putting myself down won't make any difference. I know some of you are thinking I'm just seeking attention.
Think whatever you want. Won't make any difference to me. Nada. ZIiiIiiIIiLLlLlLlCCCcCCcccHHhHh.

Thing is though, I used to think that being me, is enough. It's enough to be happy. To feel accomplished.
(Yeah, I'm still wondering whether I was high when I thought that)

It's not enough to be yourself.
You have to be desirable. You have to be pleasant to be around. You have to change your lazy ways. You have to go on a diet and make yourself thin.
Then only you'll be successful, you can be proud of yourself.

But when you're none of that, when you're me..
Well, you're doomed to have a life alone with 30 cats for the rest of your life (Not that I mind though).

Conclusion to this post is, just stop caring. If you stop caring, you won't feel nothing.
And it won't even matter that you don't have your happy ending.